Summary:Varanim and Lucent share their shame at their respective actions during the Broken Suns' assault.
XP:L1, V1
Tags:< A Suffusion of Orange | Sol Invictus Logs | A Seed In The Path >
Varanim knocks on Lucent's door late in the evening--an actual knock, not her usual cursory pounding followed by immediate entry.
Lucent The creaks open, apparently left unlocked by Lucent.
Varanim shrugs to herself and enters, looking around for Lucent in the priceless clutter.
Lucent As she walks in she finds the living room's table covered with papers which appear to be lists of some kind, filled with lines that have been cross-hatched. The door to his bedroom is wide open.
Lucent His instruments are all around her, as if waiting for someone to play them. The harp, the flute, the fiddle, all of them made in the most elaborate and priceless way possible. Except for a single drum that appears old and rustic.
Varanim raises her eyebrows and pauses at the table to scan one of the lists before continuing on to look into the bedroom.
Lucent They are to-do lists. 'Send the children to the North.' is crosshatched, apparently done. 'Find a place for Amika to be free' is next, followed by 'Create the southern empire, find a good ruler for it (Imrama?)' with a little arrow reading 'more southern legacies?' and another note, 'Get rid of as many of the Deathlords as I can.', another arrow, 'Set someone to deal with Quen if I can't?', and multiple entries he sketched over
Lucent They read 'family' 'legacy' 'truth' 'proposal' 'marriage' 'will'
Lucent Barely, that is, since he kept writing one and trying to erase it.
Varanim frowns slightly, then moves to the bedroom doorway, lifting her hand to knock softly on the doorframe.
Lucent Even just standing on the doorway she can see a change in his room. The paintings of the women were not there, anymore. They were not replaced, however, and there was a feel of... emptiness? All over the room. He gets up from the bed as she knocks, his face darker, something wrong(er) with his eyes, his hair a mess... and then, a smile. So bright. "Varanim?"
Varanim throws a sharp look around the room and then back to him, drawing closer and tilting her head a bit. "You look like hell. I mean, for you."
Lucent As she comes closer she can see the black bulges under his eyes, and the darker-colored cheeks... he had been crying? He smiles, however, and having only the bracers of his armor on calls his rosary from somewhere in the bed, entwining his hand with it... and then, in a moment of light, he covers his face, pulls it back... and it is rested, hair done, perfect. And the smile still so... happy! "You came."
Varanim "I suppose I deserve how surprised you sound at that. I noticed you've been quiet for several days, and I thought you might be sul... I thought I should see how you were doing."
Lucent walks up to her, kissing her, holding her. "Better now that you are here. So much."
Varanim looks a little perturbed as she wraps her arms around him. Holding him close, frowning a bit at the empty walls over his shoulder, she says, "I'm sorry about the thing with Crow."
Lucent smiles brighter, hands joined somewhere behind her back. "It is all right."
Lucent He looks down, then, away from her eyes. "Why did you do it?"
Varanim smooths a bit of his hair back from his forehead, unnecessarily. "Because the thing between us was starting to be a problem. Some things I can let go of easily, others have to be torn out by the roots."
Lucent closes his eyes and sighs... although it is not all of a bad sigh. "You were getting too involved. You thought we were a mistake you had to end... before one or both of us got hurt." He opens his eyes, looking into hers'. "Is that it?"
Varanim "Close enough. And I hate scenes, so I did it where you'd hesitate to cause one." One corner of her mouth turns up slightly. "You called my bluff on that one nicely."
Lucent looks down, touching his forehead to hers' before drawing back. "I tried to hurt you."
Lucent "I should have understood. I am sorry."
Varanim "Oh, you succeeded, don't worry. Still, at the time, I didn't realize it would be so bad for both of us. I'm sorry for that miscalculation." She touches his face lightly. "Now, what's with you lately?"
Lucent chuckles, sadly, erupting into a forlorn laugh. "We are so very silly."
Varanim "If I was good at relationships I wouldn't live in a secluded mountain tower," she agrees, tugging him toward the outer room to sit. "Now tell me about it."
Lucent "A whole damn lot." He lets her lead him, noticing the lists and moving them out of the table, trying to hide them, eyes fixed on hers'. "I am sorry I hurt you. I had never slept with Crow... and I only kissed her to make you jealous. To show that I did not need you, but I did." The last paper hidden, he touches her hand. "Will you remember this? That it may have been silly, stupid, but I only did it because I love you?"
Varanim "I'll remember." She doesn't comment on the lists, letting him hide them and then pulling him down to sit with an arm around his shoulders. "Is that why you've been cooped up in here brooding, though? I could have told you weeks ago not to worry about it."
Lucent sighs, closing his eyes. "Do you have any idea what I was like, after you left?"
Varanim "Not much. Zee said things were bad."
Lucent "Yes." He nods. "I was trying to forget you. I was angry with you. And... I slept around. With most of the attractive females on the cascade. Green hair and dark skin first, but I was not always so discriminating..." He sighs, hiding his face on his hand. "Spring said it was unfair. How good I am, how helpless they are. I am lucky that I am not like Imrama, not like Zahara."
Lucent "I cannot know that one of them had a loving boyfriend she meets every day after work, and has had since her childhood. I cannot know that one of them prized her maidenhood and was saving it for the marriage with a 'true prince.' Not in all of them. But some, you know just by LOOKING... what I did, why I did."
Lucent "And that was not even the worst." He holds her hand, as if to keep her there. "I a monster."
Varanim smirks at his characterization of Spring's admonishment, fortunately able to wipe the look from her face while his eyes are still covered. "Go on," she says quietly after a moment.
Lucent "The day of the attack," he goes on, "I was on the mansion when they struck at me. They were just mortals... and I poured my agressivity upon them. I was laughing as I ripped their muscles out, as I broke every bone in their bodies and left them alive, as I scarred them, crippled them, and ripped out their very souls. I was laughing, before I came to my senses. Before I realised what I had done to them. Done to you."
Varanim Varanim's hand is very still in his, then after a few seconds she lets out an almost noiseless sigh. "At the Blight of Aeons, to call up the hekatonkhire I held two men's hearts in my hands, like so"--her fingers lift and cup--"and then pulled them out to paint the terrace. It's not all right, Lucent, but you have to figure out what to learn from it and move on. That's the only way to live."
Lucent bites his lip, looking at her... looking at her, surprised, his fingers entwining with hers'.
Lucent "Did... he make you do it?"
Varanim "It was my choice." She shrugs, eyes falling on the racked musical instruments as she looks away. "Lucent, would you... play something for me?" She sounds almost hesitant.
Lucent smiles a sad smile, leaning in to kiss her with even more feeling than he ever placed on it. A kiss that is the world. "Yes." He sits on the table, picking his harp and beggining to play! "I thought of this song after our first time, it was first played long ago..."
< A Suffusion of Orange | Sol Invictus Logs | A Seed In The Path >